Will you read my poem please?

PERSEPHONE





A new dawn


a new song,


singing for the rain,


for the pain


that I once knew;





that is now a melody,


an incoherent rhapsody,


the voice given


by the gods


demands to be heard.





My words are not


my own;


they belong


to the one


with poisoned lips,





who with the ink


of six pomegranate seeds


stained my pen,


and gave me birth.





Behold the woman,


turned a poet.


Behold the goddess,


who traps the moment.





Behold the captive,


who longs for respite.

Will you read my poem please?
I read your poem, and each stanza painted a vivid image. It was truly captivating. Then I read each comment, and tried to see, through their eyes. I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing something. You made very specific references. Then I noticed the name... Persephone.





Greek mythology. The goddess of fertility and queen of the underworld. It suddenly all makes sense. Truly beautiful piece. Thank you.





Temari
Reply:Like a germ. It is infectuous. I like the spread. Distances that you serve in this woman, who I should think is your mother, is a gesture as it is a serpentine blunder, like the birth of you, the woman is a goddess trapping the moment and is caught in the choronic glare of the headlights of a sixteen wheeler.
Reply:Behold the pain


that becomes her


the newborn poet


not by choice





Stained by the poison


of the messenger of pain


via the deception


some call love





Deceived by kind words


and a touch of the palm


a smile of a cherub


the heart of a demon





Live now young poet


forget not the pain once felt


but remember the new feeling


of life and hardships


the birth of a poet
Reply:this is a very strong poem. it gets your mindthinking and is inspritaional. the words all go together so perfectly and they just work so well and make this poem so much stronger. i would keep on writing poems if you have just started and if this is something you have been doing for awhile, then keep up the good work :-)
Reply:It's a great poem and i like it very much. I like to request u to take more time to make it a master piece. Pls don't take it negative. It's really a superb strong poem. Keep writng ma'am. and do let me about about others poems too.
Reply:supporting your dreams will keep you.


and waking up to your dreams is %26gt;%26gt; life.


...that pomegranate jelly is a labor of love


to make... and taste. more toast (poems) please!
Reply:Behold the one who reads and understands, for it is she who really might know your innermost secrets.
Reply:It's good. But I can't find your pattern. You start out rhyming but then you stop. Oh well, it's still good.
Reply:So wonderful...


You need to find some reliable lips...
Reply:This is great! When is the movie coming out?
Reply:live it.



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